Rape Prevention PSA

Oh FUCK no. Fuck no. Fuck you. Seriously? I’m supposed to prevent my own rape? Ok. Awesome. I’m glad that responsibility is mine. I’m fucking sick of this shit; I’m moving to Antarctica to live alone in a hut.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon – Clucking version of the Lumineers “Ho Hey”

http://www.hulu.com/watch/472903#i1,p0,d1

In case you need to smile today.

Kaplan: Change

This is a commercial from Kaplan University. The voice-over talks about change and shit. My favorite part is where it says, “Change is a choice. We either stick to the status quo, or confront it.” Yeah that white heterosexual couple you’re showing there is really confronting the status quo Kaplan. Good job.

People make me want to gouge my eyes out sometimes

With the Supreme Court hearings about DOMA and Prop 8 over the last couple days (here’s a good run down of what’s going on from Jezebel if you need it), my Facebook and Twitter feeds have blown up with people expressing their views. Which is great, people should share their views on what’s going on politically but sometimes, UGH! Whenever there’s an election or a contentious law or something being talked about on Facebook I usually end up wanting to gouge my eyeballs out with a spork and then throw some acid in the empty sockets just for good measure. 

And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I can’t appreciate or respect views that differ from my own, I can’t stand seeing the posts that are dumb as fuck, from either side of an issue.  Like seriously, UGH! There really is no better word than “UGH” for this.  And it’s so hard to not to get involved when I see something particularly aggravating.  One anti-gay marriage post on my news feed read, “Definition of marriage: the legal union of a man and a woman, typically by law to become husband and wife… just sayin.”  Seriously? Seriously? Dude, do you not understand that definitions are written by fucking people with their own views and agendas and can often be outdated or biased?  Definitions don’t come down to us from Plato’s world of forms or the fucking Definition Gods. They are written by people. So using the definition of marriage to make the argument that only men and women can get married is stupid. It’s stupid. And that word is harsh but I feel like it fits. Plus, using the definition of marriage as an argument when the debate that is happening is over the definition itself is extra stupid.  Seriously, we’re debating over how marriage is defined and who, if anyone, has the right to define it so you can’t argue against gay marriage by giving us your definition of marriage. And note that I said “your” definition because if you asked me to define marriage I would say something like “the consensual union of two people under law.” And I wanted to say all of this to that guy but I couldn’t because we all know how Facebook arguments usually turn out.  If someone said that to me in real life I’d probably respond because there’s more of a chance that we’d be able to speak properly about it all but not on Facebook. 

 So many of the things people are saying on Facebook about gay marriage and the gay and bisexual and transgender communities in general makes me livid. Fucking livid. And I’m going to say right now that although usually I make a conscious effort to remain open to opposing viewpoints and not just accept mine as the only right one, this is not one of those cases. I firmly believe that in regards to the allowance of gay marriage in our states there is only one right side and it is the side that says we need to give gay couples the same rights to marriage as straight couples.  If you’re religion is against it, fine, then you can just not have a gay marriage but that doesn’t mean no one can.  Your religion cannot dictate what the rest of us can or cannot do.  And we have separation of church and state so the whole debate is stupid and shouldn’t be happening.  And these arguments I just gave sound tired and worn out because we don’t need new ones.  Our arguments are based on the constitution and the foundational belief in our society that everyone should be treated equally. Our arguments are basic and fundamental because the issue shouldn’t be an issue at all.  So these posts saying being gay is somehow wrong and we can’t let gay people marry because it will destroy society make me want to kill myself. Which is why I’m writing this rant in my blog right now, because I seriously can’t hold it in anymore. This whole thing is stupid. I need to go look at cat videos to calm down.

Disney Princesses by Camus Altimarano

Fetishizing the Disney Princesses

I recently saw this collection of portraits of the Disney princesses on Imgur.  There are a lot of drawings like this where people take the Disney princesses and re-imagine them in lingerie.  And I’m just like, really? It’s bad enough real life women get turned into sex-objects but can we just leave the Disney Princesses alone? Please? Can characters from our childhood just stay innocent and be the characters they were meant to be? Does Mulan, who was one of the first Disney female characters with drive and power, have to become a sexualized object? I mean come on! Jesus fucking Christ people. Is nothing sacred? And, yes, I see the irony in that previous comment but seriously, not every female character has to be over-sexualized.  I know, I know “but they’re just fictional characters! Animations!” So what?  Encouraging or even condoning re-imagining female characters into over-sexualized objects, even if they’re fictional or animations, sets the precedent that it’s okay to do that and that assumption then spreads to real women too.  And the fact that the Disney princesses are figures that represent innocence and childhood make it extra bad and a little gross. Plus we all know that Disney is super sexist anyway with the early princesses so do you have to make it worse? Leave my childhood alone.

Let’s all be epic bitches and cunts

Do you remember the first time you swore? Probably not because it’s not that important to most people but I do.  The first time I swore was in the third grade and I messed up and got out during a game of four square and in my agony at the defeat I exclaimed “shit!” (much to the shock and awe of the had-not-yet-sworn innocent children around me).  That first time I said “shit,” it was a big deal; but now shit is the probably the least sweary swear word in my repertoire. Because after that first time, I used it all the time and eventually everyone had started swearing.  You start off with “shit” and “damn” and “hell” and eventually graduate onto the illustrious, oh-so-useful and oh-so-satisfying “fuck.” Seriously, say “fuck” right now, just say “fuck.” Feels good right? Fuck yeah it does!  My point is that the more we use these words, the less powerful they are.  I like saying “fuck” but it doesn’t have the same weight anymore because I say it all the fucking time.  Now it’s down on the level of “damn” and “shit” as far as power or effect goes.  We need to get to that same place with “cunt.”

For the most part, “bitch” is pretty commonplace.  We call each other “bitch” all the time and it’s not even really an insult.  Usually, if I’m calling you a bitch you’re my friend and it’s a term of endearment.  Bitch used to be pretty universally recognized as a negative term and then went through the process of reclamation (source: Bitch: A History).  “Cunt” is one of the few words that still retains it’s “did she really just say that?” status.  Well you know what, she really did just say that! Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt. Cunt. Yeah. Notice how at the end it basically doesn’t sound like a word anymore? It’s because the more you use a word, the less power it has.  Why else do you think Voldemort didn’t want you to say his name?  Dumbledore even tells Harry, “Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself” (Sorcerer’s Stone, Chapter 17).  The taboo on the word “cunt” is what makes it a bad word.  And “cunt’ should not be a bad word.  It shouldn’t be offensive to call someone by their genitalia.  By telling us that “cunt,” is the most offensive thing you can call a woman, you’re saying that women should be ashamed of their sex and their sexuality.  Well fuck that! When you think about the word “dick” it’s a mildly insulting term for a guy who is kind of jerk.  Maybe he cut you off in traffic, or took the last bag of Peachy-O’s at the store, or drank your last beer from your stock of Summer Shandy and it’s late October and so you’re not going to get anymore of that shit (okay that last guy is not a dick, he is the worst human being ever).  But ultimately the term “dick” isn’t that offensive.  So why is calling a girl a “cunt” (AKA calling her a “vagina”) considered one of the worst insults you could call a woman? It shouldn’t be! And the only way we can change that is by accepting “cunt” the way we accepted “bitch” and the way the gay community reclaimed “queer.”  So, my solution is, let’s all adopt the word cunt as a term of endearment – “You bought me a bottle of Jack Daniels just because you love me and you know it’s my favorite? Thanks cunt!”  or “Oh my gosh you got into the grad program at Northwestern? I’m so jealous you lucky cunt!” Let’s use it to describe awesome things – “Montee Ball just gave you season tickets to the student section fo free? That’s cunterific!”

Okay that last one might be a stretch but we need to reclaim “cunt.” It needs to become only a mildly offensive and over-used word like “dick.”  Ideally it would become like the word “bitch” where the majority of the time, women use it in a non-offensive way with their friends.  And when “bitch” is used offensively, it’s really not that bad; it’s like being called a “meany-face” in all honesty.  Because a word that is a synonym for the female genitalia should not be the worst thing you can call a woman.  Saying that calling a woman a “cunt” is the worst insult you can give her is saying that women should be ashamed of their vaginas and their sexuality and I like my vagina. So go ahead, call me a cunt. I’m okay with it. Cunt.

The Best Friend-Bad Boy Complex

Pretty much everyone is familiar with the Madonna-Whore complex. It’s the idea that people see women as aligning with one of two categories 1) as the Madonna – put on a pedestal, non-sexual, model of perfection or 2) the Whore – an overtly sexual being, she is defined by sex and nothing else, a slut.  And most of us, at least most of the people I know, condemn this perception of women.  Any kind of dichotomy is problematic. Dichotomies over-simplify issues, they inherently value one option over the other which benefits neither party because it pressures those trapped in the dichotomy to continually perform to standards that could very well be unattainable. And they’re boring.  Furthermore, this Madonna-Whore dichotomy in particular is harmful to women through it’s definition of them through sexuality and its ultimate effect of dehumanizing them.  Women become objects in this dichotomy.  They are either an untouchable object of perfection or an object meant only for sex.  I feel like this is a pretty standard understanding of the Madonna-Whore complex.

What I’m interested in is the way that this dichotomy exists for men as well and how it compares to the Madonna-Whore complex.  I’m not that creative so the best term I could come up with was The Best Friend-Bad Boy complex.  We’ve all heard of a guy (or girl but more often the term is used for men in my experience) being “friend-zoned.” This is where a guy becomes a non-sexual entity in the eyes of another (remember that Ryan Reynolds movie?).  The Madonna is an ideal of beauty and perfection.  She is pure and good and so cannot be seen as a sexualized being.  The Best Friend who has been friend-zoned is a non-sexual but not for the same reasons.  In it’s use, the Best Friend becomes a non-sexual identity because of an emotional investment the one doing the friend-zoning has placed in them.  The Best Friend is a confidant who the friend-zoner can rely on for comfort and understanding but somehow this reliance removes The Best Friend as a possible sexual partner.  The Bad Boy is the Whore in this analogy but as with the Madonna and Best Friend, the comparison is not quite the same.  The Bad Boy represents danger and mystery he is unknown and you are unknown to him and that makes him desirable as a sexual partner over the safety of The Best Friend.  The Best Friend has your back, there is mutual trust, understanding and comfort but it is the desire for danger and the unknown that results in sexual desire.

So what’s up with this?  Why is it for women, the non-sexualized entity is an image of perfection and for men he is just a trust-worthy confidant?  Why is it that the female sexual object has the derogatory term “whore” to describe an overtly sexual and exclusively sexual being while for men, the sexually desirable is a bad boy in a leather jacket who will probably break your heart?  I think the explanation for the terminology and understanding of the Madonna-Whore complex has to do with the history of defining women and controlling women through sex. There are women for sex and women who are not for sex. Slut-shaming is not a recent thing, it goes way back.  And for the dichotomy for men, I think it is, if not a result of the Madonna-Whore complex, at least in conversation with it.  Through slut-shaming and the valuing of chastity in women we learn to value abstinence over sex, we learn to think of sex as bad, dirty.  So a Best Friend who you can trust and who comforts you cannot be someone with whom you engage in the bad and dirty act of sex.  That act has to occur with someone who is bad. In both cases we are being taught that sex is bad and awful and you’re bad and awful if you want it and have it.  Seriously guys, chill out. Sex is sex.

*I’d like to point out that I’m mostly speaking about how these dichotomies describing the sexuality of men and women operate in a heteronormative environment.  I don’t feel as if I know enough about how they may or may not work within the realms of other sexualities so please educate me if you have some insights!

Introduction

Hey everybody!

This first post is just an introduction letting you know what I’m about and what this blog will be about.  I’m in my last semester of being an undergrad at the illustrious and fantastical UW – Madison. BADGER PRIDE! I’m an English major who focuses on themes of race, gender and sexuality in modern and contemporary literature.  So I’m frequently thinking about weird and random issues regarding those themes in real life.  I also just think about weird random stuff unrelated to those themes.  So I started this blog so I can write about those things that preoccupy my mind all the time (seriously, all the time. I bore drunks at bars with conversations about Seth McFarlane’s “We saw your boobs” song and rape culture and things I’ve read on Jezebel).  Anyway, this blog is just a way for me to get things from my mind to outside my mind. Right now I don’t have any goals for readership; I don’t really think anyone will read it.  I just want to write about things I’m thinking which is what the internet is for, really. 

Love you person who may be reading this (probably just my sister and I like to think my cat)!